About 3 years ago, my family and I decided to become dog owners, and we adopted an adorable one year old springer spaniel sheepdog mix named Buddy. It turned out to be the best decision we ever made! In those three years, he has become an irreplaceable part of our family, bringing us joy and companionship we had never before known. However, my family is decidedly Republican, and even though we love him to death, it has recently occurred to us that, by golly, Buddy is a Democrat! He lives and exists by all of the principles that the Democratic Party promotes, and I am sure that if he could vote, he would vote the party line. Let me give a few examples of what drove us to this conclusion…

First, he is a firm believer in the redistribution of wealth. He has no problem eating all of the food that is provided to him through the goodness of our hearts, and then coming to sit by the table and beg to have some of our dinner too. And he is unable to understand why he gets yelled at for doing so. Why should he have to live in one of the greatest households in the world and eat dog food (or government cheese), especially when the people around him are sitting right there in front of him eating steak? How dare they!!

Second, he has a strong feeling of entitlement. He has no problem laying around the house sleeping all day, but dammit, the minute he wakes up, someone better drop everything they are doing to help him out with all the things he can’t do for himself, like opening doors to go outside, picking up his poop, entertaining him, and filling his bowl with food. If anyone fails to meet his demands immediately, he will raise his voice in protest until someone listens to him, and if one person ignores him or dismisses his needs as frivolous or inconvenient, he will lobby with all members of the household until someone feels sorry enough for him and caves in to his demands.

Our dog does not really work, although being part sheepdog; he was bred to work and is fully capable of doing so. However, being a member of the sheepdog union, he can’t find a job because all the good sheep herding jobs have moved to Argentina (darned global economy). Actually that is a lie, he does have one job…he barks if someone comes to the door. We have a doorbell, which technically is more efficient and less costly than owning a dog, but because he was already here we felt a need to give him SOME kind of responsibility. So he was assigned this role and we praise him for doing it, and as such he feels he has made a contribution. I guess this is what the president is talking about when he refers to job creation.

Buddy does not aspire to greatness. He is perfectly content with what we give him, he wants no part in managing the actual procurement process, and he has no desire to improve his lot in life. He eats whatever food we give him, goes to whatever doctor we bring him to, and has no problem sleeping in his state provided doggie bed. He is perfectly fine letting us, the owners, figure out what is best for him, and trusts completely that we are qualified to do so.

Finally, he is blindly and unquestioningly loyal. He does not understand anything about what it takes to run our household, nor does he care, so long as he gets his share. He is completely oblivious to the fact that if times get tough for us the providers, the first expenses to be cut would be the quality of his food and his medical care, and if times get tough enough, the funding for these programs may disappear entirely. Despite this, all we need to do is throw him a bone and rub his belly once in a while, and he will stand by us and remain loyal to us, his vote guaranteed.

In all seriousness we love Buddy to death, and don’t regret adopting him for a single moment. We spoil him like a child, and love every minute of it. But tell me…IS HE NOT THE PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF A DEMOCRAT!!

— Chris from Somerset, NJ