i listen to your show as much as i can. When i first heard your story about your dog, i had to turn the radio off because i just couldnt handle it. I had to put my best friend to sleep as well. I will give you a bit of backround. I picked up Nastasha “Stoshie” as a puppy. She was badly abused at only a few weeks old. The people that i picked her up from had her and the rest of the litter in a kiddie pool all covered in their own urine and feces. When i picked up the dog, the woman wanted to know if i wanted a paper bag to put the dog in to take it home. I kindly refused and took her home in the palms of my hands.

She was relaxed almost as soon as i got her home. She would fall asleep with her head in my boots all the time. I guess the smell of a friend relaxed her. She slept with me till she was too big and was definately my best friend. Stoshie helped me get through some VERY tough times in my life. I never had her on a leash or in a collar (i didnt need to) she was by my side no matter where we went. She was ALWAYS happy to see me no matter what kind of day i had. Well i noticed one day that she was having trouble breathing. I took her to my vet (who i trust to no end) and he told me that she had an enlarged heart. She had been to other vets in the past for other health issues and they gave her 1 year at the most to live. This visit was about 4 years after that ordeal.

I saw a picture of her x-ray and how big her heart was. The vet told me that it was restricting her breathing. He said that he could give her medication to ease her suffering. I asked him what he would do if it were his dog and he suggested putting the dog down. I left her there for more tests as i went to work. I got a call that afternoon that Stoshie was going into seisures and i went right to the vet. When i got there, she was groggy, but definately glad to see me. We went outside for a bit and i talked to my vet again. He still suggested putting her down and told me to take her home and sleep on it. I couldnt stand taking her home and thinking about putting her down, OR letting her suffer, so i made the decision to do it that day. The vet told me that she would feel nothing. I sat there and held my best friend by the head when they gave her the first shot.She started squirming and whining, she knew what was coming. (Crying) i asked the vet why she was feeling it and he said that it was ok.

I sat and held my best friends head, telling her that it was going to be OK as i watched her die (by my choice). I held her untill she was gone (crying). When she was gone her eyes were open and it seemed like she was looking at me wondering “why”. That was the hardest day of my life. I made a memorial to her that hangs in my house and every time i lok at it i start crying. I still wonder to this day if i made the right choice. Im sure that im going to hell for doing that to such an innocent creature. I can NEVER take it back, i just hope that someday i will see her again and she will forgive me. I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT!!!! Dogs are absolutely the best friends of man or woman. They dont judge you, they will forgive you for things you said in an instant, and all they want is to be by you and love you. I miss Stoshie to no end. Thanks for being a regular person and sharing your story.

Bill from NY